


Let Me Go

by blackmeteor



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Angst, I tried anyway, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-23
Updated: 2018-03-23
Packaged: 2019-04-06 22:50:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14067306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackmeteor/pseuds/blackmeteor
Summary: Sometimes, even the greatest love can't cover the holes in our heart.





	Let Me Go

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was loosely based on the song Let Me Go then it became a mess and i cant angst properly now so i don't know anymore. 
> 
>  
> 
> First work after a while so i'm a bit rusty. Please enjoy ♡♡

let me go

  
minhyun stares at daniel lying down on his lap, ash brown hair spilling over his thighs as the other turns to face the tv. he swallows thickly, opening and closing his mouth a few times but the words refuse to leave his throat.

"niel..." minhyun finally manages to say. he frowns when daniel pauses the movie, craning his head to face minhyun. he wishes daniel hadnt done that, wishes that daniel isnt always so attentive to minhyun. it might make things a little easier.

"yes, hyung?" daniel says with a smile, the soft smile he only has for minhyun.

'dont smile like that. i dont deserve it.' minhyun thinks, steeling himself for the next words.

"daniel, i think we should break up."

\--

  
minhyun doesnt remember a time without daniel.

realistically, he knew that there had to be a time when they hadnt known each other but that seemed as farfetched as his family being happy together. his earliest memory of the younger was attending the summer festival with the Kangs. minhyun's mom was supposed to take soojin and minhyun to the festival but then his father got home, drunk and angry and minhyun and his sister were barely across the yard when the yelling started. soojin had started crying by then, angrily wiping at her eyes while they were walking and minhyun didnt know what to do. he still wanted to go to the festival but he didnt want soojin to continue crying. that was how they headed to the kangs, daniel opening the door and happily hugging minhyun while his mom embraced soojin. that afternoon was spent laughing and playing games all day long until minhyun's eyes were closing on their own. then daniel offered to carry him on his back. it was ridiculous. minhyun was a year older and slightly taller than daniel but the younger insisted on it.

  
minhyun remembers asking daniel why he was so stubborn, why he insisted on carrying minhyun on his back when they could barely take a step like that. minhyun remembers daniel's smile, daniel's steady voice as he replied.

  
i can do anything for hyung.

  
minhyun's heart lurches at those words, both then and now,for painfully different reasons.

  
\--

  
minhyun walks out of the dean's office with a relieved sigh. the interview lasted longer than minhyun imagined and by now, he's both hungry and sleepy. he can't wait to get back home.

  
home.

  
the word makes minhyun pause. where exactly is home now?

  
"minhyun hyung!"

and oh, how minhyun's heart betrays him as he hears those words. "daniel." minhyun greets.

daniel runs towards him, puppy smile on his face as he hands the older a take out from their favorite restaurant. "youngmin hyung said you were talking to your dean since your first class ended so i guessed you'd be hungry by now."

minhyun takes the bag, smiling to himself as he smells the food inside. "i'm starving actually." minhyun admits, smiling gratefully at daniel.

  
"arent you glad you have me around then?" daniel says proudly, beaming at minhyun.

  
minhyun chuckles, shaking his head as he starts heading to where daniel's next class should be with daniel falling into step beside him. minhyun raises an eyebrow at daniel, motioning with his free hand as he grabs a sandwich. daniel smiles at him, getting minhyun's drink as he begins talking about his day so far. minhyun hums attentively as daniel speaks, eyes not leaving the other's happy expression.

  
"i love it when you smile." minhyun blurts out in the middle of daniel's story.

the effect is immediate. pink blossoms on daniel's cheeks as he lowers his head, teeth peeking out as he smiles shyly. "a-ah, hyung... why so suddenly?"

minhyun startles as well, realizing what he has done. "o-oh, uh, i'm sorry?" he offers as response.

daniel laughs, wrapping an arm around minhyun's waist as he places a kiss on minhyun's cheek. "why apologize for making me smile?" he nuzzles minhyun's shoulder, placing a kiss there as well. "i smile a lot when i'm with you, hyung, because i'm happiest with you."

  
minhyun has to close his eyes as he feels those words punch through him. suddenly, he doesnt feel so hungry anymore. he places a hand on daniel's shoulder, just about to push the younger away when daniel beats him to it, stepping back from minhyun.

  
"i love you, hyung." daniel says gently.

minhyun's heart drops even more. "daniel... we broke up, remember?"

minhyun has to look away when daniel's face falls, the hurt written there clawing through minhyun. "no." daniel finally says after a minute has passed between them. "you said you think we should break up. well, i don't think the same so no."

  
"daniel, this isn't how it works-" minhyun argues

"what did you talk to your dean about that took so long anyway?" daniel says loudly, talking over minhyun. as usual, minhyun rolls his eyes, finding daniel's tactic silly after years of being exposed to it.

  
and then, daniel's question sinks in. minhyun immediately sobers up, squaring his shoulders as he faces daniel. the younger must sense the change in atmosphere because daniel stiffens up as well, looking at minhyun with nervousness.

  
"i'm going to be transferring to japan." minhyun answers.

"oh." daniel says, sounding like the word was ripped out of him. minhyun didn't think it was possible to convey so much with just one word.

  
minhyun nods, waiting for daniel to say anything else, to finally get angry with him for being selfish and deciding on his own. he wants daniel to get angry at him, to realize that being minhyun isn't worth it. to realize that he's only with minhyun because he thinks that minhyun is the only choice he has. to realize that he's wrong.

  
"i have to go now, hyung." daniel mutters to the floor. "my class is going to start soon."

minhyuns opens his mouth to apologize but daniel surprises him yet again by pressing a quick but searing kiss on minhyun's lips. minhyun's sure his lips are red from the kiss and he sees something flash in the younger's eyes as daniel looks at them. anticipation and excitement churn in minhyun, his body waiting for what daniel would do next.

  
"i'll see you later." daniel whispers, voice slightly hoarse. but his touch is gentle as he cups the back of minhyun's neck to press a kiss on his forehead.

  
minhyun watches daniel, eyes never leaving those slumped shoulders. shaking his head, he turns to the other direction, not bothering to wipe away the stray tear that has fallen.

\--

"you should go home. daniel hyung should be there by now. he's going to worry." woojin admonishes from the floor, eyeing minhyun who's lying down on the couch.

"we broke up, woojin. we shouldn't be living together anymore." minhyun replies, throwing an arm over his eyes.

woojin sighs. "didn't daniel hyung reject your break up? so you're still together so you should get home and leave me alone to cram." he mutters the last part in annoyance.

minhyun removes his arm, looking at woojin with a pleading expression. "i can teach you if you'd like?"

woojin makes a frustrated noise, throwing a pillow to minhyun. "i'd like you to go away and fix things with daniel hyung!"

 

woojin's chest heaves up and down after that. he settles back down slowly, watching as minhyun sits up carefully, keeping his eyes on the pillow that woojin had thrown. woojin sighs again, wondering why minhyun likes to complicate things. but at the same time, he knows that minhyun's issues mostly stem out from seeing what happened to his family firsthand. still. it's frustrating to see minhyun doubt daniel's love when daniel has done nothing but love minhyun all this time.

  
"hyung... minhyun hyung, you have to talk this out with daniel hyung. you can't just say you want to break up with him and expect him to simply follow through with what you want." woojin says gently, taking a seat beside minhyun.

minhyun still doesn't look up, fiddling with the loose threads instead. "daniel deserves the world. he deserves every good thing in this world. and i'm not that. i'm not even good."

woojin can't stop the snort that escapes his mouth. "hyung, you're the hwang minhyun, consistent a plus student, dean's lister with the third highest average and not to mention voted as campus top ideal boyfriend for two years now. what are you saying?"

minhyun waves him off though his ears have been tinged with pink now. "those.. those don't matter. they don't really know who i am though."

"but daniel hyung does."

"i know. that's why it's a mystery why he's still with me." minhyun mumbles.

"he loves you. isn't that reason enough?"

"he thinks he loves me." minhyun counters. "all daniel has ever known was me. i've manipulated his time since we were kids and now he thinks he's in love with me. he's only ever looked at me; how does he know there aren't other people better suited for him than me?"

woojin opens his mouth, about to contradict what minhyun has said but he stops himself. those words should come from daniel, not him. instead, he shifts closer to the older, chuckling to himself when minhyun immediately latches onto him. he allows minhyun to cuddle him for the rest of the night, sneaking in a text to daniel when the older's focus shifts to the drama they're Watching. he knows from experience that it means daniel will show up soon and take minhyun home.

  
what woojin doesn't count on is for minhyun to fall asleep before daniel gets there. woojin watches his hyung sleeping soundly on the couch, frowning at the heavy circles underneath minhyun's eyes. he knows that minhyun has been stressing out over japan ever since he applied for it. daniel and minhyun are one of those couples that tell each other everything, probably due to the fact that they've grown up together and minhyun keeping something as big as this from daniel has really taken its toll.

  
daniel shows up shortly, bottom lip worrying between his teeth. woojin walks him in, moving aside as daniel hurriedly heads to the couch.woojin has to look away when daniel brushes minhyun's hair aside, placing a kiss on the older's forehead. the moment feels too private, too intimate and woojin finds himself blushing despite his averted eyes.

  
"you can just sleep over in the guest room, hyung. i think minhyun hyung really needs to sleep." woojin says when daniel has settled down on the floor, loosely holding minhyun's hand in his.

daniel smiles up at him. "thanks, woojin ah. i'll make sure minhyun hyung cooks you something good for breakfast."

woojin grins, nodding happily. "i'll look forward to that. now if you'll excuse me, i have to cram."

daniel laughs, quieting down immediately when minhyun stirs. he presses a kiss by minhyun's jaw, making woojin blush again. woojin stammers out something about leaving when daniel calls him back. when he turns, woojin is faced with daniel's sad but grateful smile. woojin's chest hurts a bit. "thank you for staying with minhyun hyung." daniel says softly.

  
woojin's heart clenches at those words and he feels tears prickling the back of his eyes. he wishes minhyun was awake at that moment just so he can hear how daniel speaks about him, all the love, affection, care and fondness encased in the way daniel says his name. he wants minhyun to see the way daniel looks at him, looks at minhyun like a man seeing light for the first time, like minhyun is a mystery that daniel can't wait to unlock, like minhyun is everything that daniel can ever want.

  
"hyung.... you really love minhyun hyung, don't you?" woojin asks quietly.

"i really do." daniel answers back just as quiet. "with all my heart, i do."

\--

minhyun tries bringing up his transfer to japan and their break up to daniel time and time again but daniel keeps finding ways to avoid their talk. daniel goes home late, leaves early and keeps his earphones on whenever he's with minhyun. it isn't much of a relationship either but daniel never forgets to leave small notes for minhyun around their apartment, small reminders that daniel loves him.

  
minhyun looks at the calendar, feeling dread creep up in his heart. he only has a few days left before his flight. he wants to at least talk with daniel properly before he leaves. so, he waits for daniel to get home that night. his classes ended early today so he had time for an afternoon nap; he's more than ready to wait for daniel to get home, no matter how late.

  
"hyung?" daniel exclaims in surprise when he gets home and sees minhyun waiting up for him.

minhyun checks their wall clock, frowning at daniel. "do you get home this late every night, niel ah?" he chides. "it's almost 2 in the morning!"

daniel flinches, walking towards the couch carefully. "i was just in the library, hyung. i didn't mean to worry you."

"you idiot, your classes start at 7 later. you're going to be so tired." minhyun scolds.

daniel smiles, sitting beside minhyun. "i saw you awake at least. i don't care if you nag me, i'll be more than awake for my class later."

  
minhyun bites his lip as he hears those words. if anyone else has said it, it might sound like a pick up line but with daniel, it is nothing but sincere. minhyun closes his eyes, allowing daniel to drape over him.

"niel ah, we need to talk." minhyun finally says, breaking the silence between them.

daniel shakes his head, hair tickling minhyun's neck. "i don't want to. it's late, less talking, more sleeping."

"daniel..." minhyun reproaches, trying to shake the younger off of him.

"no." daniel grunts out stubbornly, holding onto minhyun even tighter. "you're just going to break up with me. i don't want to talk if that's what we're going to talk about."

minhyun lets out a long sigh, playing with the hair on the back of daniel's head. "my flight to japan is in 2 days, niel." he says quietly.

daniel stiffens but doesn't make a move to shift away. minhyun waits for a reaction, retracting his hand slowly. daniel grunts, bumping his head against the hand as a silent plea for minhyun to put it back.

"daniel." minhyun says eventually, moving away from daniel himself. "please, niel ah. i want proper closure between us. i want everything settled before i go."

"no!" daniel screams out. "nothing is going to get settled because i cant believe you're actually leaving me!"

minhyun wants to say something but he refrains, biting his lip. he wants to hear what daniel has to say.

"you're leaving for japan in two days and you only want to talk now?! scratch that, i can't believe you applied for that scholarship without even telling me! i thought i was your boyfriend. those are the type of things you tell your boyfriend, hyung! you tell your significant other when you want to pack up and move to another country!" daniel is panting by the time he finishes his rant, moving away from minhyun as much as possible on their couch. his eyes are downcast when he continues. "or am i not a significant person for you? does my existence mean that little to you? you would have left for japan without talking to me at all, wouldn't you?"

  
minhyun shakes his head, biting his lip hard enough to draw blood. he doesnt know what to do or what to say. he wants to come clean to daniel about everything, to tell him how he's minhyun's entire world, to tell daniel how much minhyun loves him.

  
enough for minhyun to let him go when he's deserves so much better.

  
swallowing around the iron taste in his mouth, minhyun sits up straight, waiting for daniel to look at him before he speaks. the words taste like poison in his mouth as daniel's tear streaked face comes into view. "i won't make excuses for what i did, niel. i'm selfish and i can't change that. thank you. thank you for all the years we've spent together." minhyun lets out a wry smile, shaking his head when daniel tries to cut him off. "you made my life all that much better, daniel. i can't thank you enough."

  
minhyun bolts off the couch, grabbing the duffel he placed there earlier before running out of the house. a part of him is hoping that daniel would chase after him, would call out for him. but nothing happens.

it's what minhyun deserves.

~

the train is due any moment now and minhyun can't stop fidgeting. he keeps checking and rechecking his bags to see if he's left anything but by the fifth time, he's done so, he's sure that he has everything he needs. he doesn't have much stuff to bring to japan anyway, mostly just his books. and even then, he left a good portion of his collection over at youngmin's place.

  
minhyun tips his head back against the bench, trying not to let the wave of loneliness take him. it's his decision to be alone anyway. youngmin offered to drive him to the station but minhyun had waved him off and had taken a cab instead.

it's a decision he regrets now. all alone in the station, minhyun can feel the loneliness and homesickness already start to grapple his heart. he wants some sort of distraction and the almost empty station provides none. he checks his watch, sighing as he sees he still has quite some time left.

  
"hyung."

minhyun's eyes widen as he sees daniel standing there. neither of them say anything and minhyun eventually snaps out of his reverie and motions for daniel to sit beside him. daniel walks over slowly, hesitance written in his features as he takes the spot. minhyun can't help but frown as his eyes take in the haggard look on the younger's face, dark circles rimmed daniel's eyes and his cheeks look hollowed and sunken in.

  
"you haven't been taking care of yourself well." minhyun mumbles quietly.

daniel smiles uncertainly. "you know how i rely on you for that."

minhyun shakes his head, looking away. "i won't be around anymore so you should remember to eat on your own. and don't practice too much especially when you're injured. you're not allowed to practice at all when you're injured actually. don't eat too much sweets as well. you know you get stomach aches afterwards. oh and don't let youngmin drag you to those horror houses anymore. not all busan men should be tough, okay? you'll get nightmares again and..." minhyun stops, feeling choked up. he feels a light pressure on his hand and sees that somehow along his rant, daniel has grabbed his hand and is holding onto it tightly. "and i won't be here to hold you anymore." minhyun finishes quietly.

  
later, when minhyun looks back at this moment, he can't tell for sure who moved first. all he knows is that no place can ever compare to the feeling of daniel's arms around him. all of the emotions that minhyun tried so hard to block all come crashing in, leaving him a crying mess in the arms of the man whose heart he had broken.

minhyun finds himself stumbling over apologies, the words barely coherent as he tries to say everything all at once. daniel holds him through it, rubbing his back comfortingly as minhyun lets out a litany of 'i love you's' and 'i'm so so sorry, niel ah' over and over again.

when minhyun manages to clear his vision, he's met with daniel's own tears. "oh, puppy. don't cry. please. please stop crying."

daniel manages a wet laugh, placing minhyun's hand on his cheek. "you haven't called me puppy since we started middle school."

"because that was when i realized that i was in love with you." minhyun explains simply.

  
daniel laughs again, wiping minhyun's tears as minhyun mirrors his actions. when minhyun is sure that he's stopped crying, he scoots closer, tucking himself under daniel's chin. the younger sighs happily, pressing lingering kisses at the crown of minhyun's head.

  
"you can't expect me to accept our breakup after that." daniel says into minhyun's hair. "why are you trying so hard to break up with me when you clearly love me? how do you expect me to let you go after everything you've just said?"

"because you deserve so much better..." minhyun starts.

"stop!" daniel exclaims, pulling back from minhyun to glare at him. "will you please stop telling me that you don't deserve me? that i could do so much better than you? that i don't really love you?" daniel takes a long look at minhyun, glare softening as seconds tick by. "it hurts me when you say that because you're not just doubting yourself, you're also doubting me, hyung. i love you and i'm not a child anymore that doesn't know how to differentiate different forms of love. i love you. please believe me."

  
minhyun feels tears gather at the corner of his eyes at daniel's sincerity but he pushed the feelings down. he leans forward again, nuzzling against daniel for a bit. if he closes his eyes, he can imagine that they're back at their shared apartment, just soaking up each other's presence while being kept in their own world.

  
"maybe we should break up."

  
the words hover in the air and minhyun only holds onto daniel tighter. daniel makes no move to remove minhyun from his hold but minhyun can almost hear the younger thinking. when daniel finally pushes minhyun away, minhyun willingly follows but he can't help the tears from running down his face.

"sshh, don't cry, hyung." daniel says gently. "i love you. i always will. you know that."

"then, why are you breaking up with me?" minhyun asks in a small voice.

"you can't be happy with me if you're not happy with yourself. i can love you and love you with all my heart but you'd still feel unworthy. you'd still doubt what i feel." daniel explains, eyes not leaving minhyun's face at all. "maybe the time away from each other will help you become more confident. maybe you'll learn to appreciate yourself even just a fraction of how much i feel for you."

"and if i don't?" minhyun says uncertainly.

daniel smiles, pressing a kiss on minhyun's forehead. "then i'll come find you and love you again."

"just like that?" minhyun laughs, shaking his head in disbelief.

"just like that." daniel confirms. "why? you don't think i can find you?"

  
minhyun shakes his head again but he knows that daniel means it, that daniel will find him no matter what. checking his watch, minhyun notes that his train is almost there so he starts talking about japan. he tells daniel about the school he applied for, the dormitory he'll be living in-- all the things he wanted to share with the younger from the moment he applied. and daniel soaks all of it in, asking about the small details that minhyun forgets to mention.

the announcement for minhyun's train to seoul rings out soon enough and it is only then that minhyun sees that he and daniel aren't the only ones on the platform anymore. as the train pulls in the station and people start getting on board, minhyun lingers at the back, unwilling to leave daniel yet.

"come to seoul with me?" minhyun asks shyly, trying to squeeze in some more time with the younger.

daniel shakes his head, getting up from the bench to pull minhyun up as well. "i dont want to be like those dramas you watched. besides, i don't think i can let you go if i see the plane that will take you away from me."

minhyun sighs. "so i guess this is goodbye?"

"no. absolutely not." daniel grins. "it's a long see you later. you're not getting rid of me that easily."

minhyun chuckles. "okay. how long?"

"four years? five years? think you'll be ready by then?" daniel asks curiously.

"i'll do my best." minhyun purses his lips, scanning over daniel's face. "think you can wait that long for me?"

"i can wait forever for you."

daniel seals his promise with a kiss that tastes like an apology, a confession and a promise all at the same time. tears fall unbidden from minhyun's eyes at the bittersweet feeling and he sees that the expression is mirrored on daniel's own when the younger pulls away.

  
and just like everyday, daniel waves minhyun off with that soft smile, no trace of uncertainty on his face at all.

"see you later, hyung. i love you."


End file.
